Alas, after almost three years, I find myself in the same black hole that I was trying to escape from. There it is again – the feeling of of the familiar, the feeling of being a small fish in a big pond.
Malcom Gladwell posed a very interesting question in his book “David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants” – would you be better off being a small fish in a big pond or big fish in a small pond? We base our judgments based on those in proximity to us. There are times that I catch myself comparing myself and what I’ve accomplished to the people around me, to my colleagues, and my batchmates from college. And this leads to a very poor self-concept and can be very dangerous.
New York City is a very competitive pond that I’ve chosen to swim at and to grow up with. There are questions like, how are they able to get that job, and not me? I have the same abilities (and maybe better skilled), but why didn’t I get that job? Sometimes, I feel very much overwhelmed and pressured (but mostly pressured) to succeed and to get ahead in terms of my career. At this point in my life, I am an underdog, I am an outsider – the only way to get ahead would be to do what the Goliaths of this world refuse to do.
A very wise man once told me that people are different, and so there cannot be agreements in the absolute sense. We’re bombarded with ideas of uniqueness, of setting ourselves apart from the crowd, and of being successful at a very young age. But to what end?
Success, then, depends on how you define it. It can be in monetary terms, or in terms of being able to help others or bringing smiles to the faces of underprivileged. This definition is something that I grapple with – what do I want out of life? What do I want to do in the future? These are questions that I still seek an answer to. These are the questions that I also had three years ago.
I am but a small fish in a big pond called New York City. I am an even smaller fish in the sea of finance, where everyone is aggressive and very much eager to beat the next person. In this journey of transition, I hope that I won’t lose touch with what I hold dear and to not lose sight of what’s more important.
I am a small fish with nothing but my dreams – all I need is an opportunity to translate my potential into something concrete and real. I find hope in the knowledge that better things are yet to come, and that some things are withheld from us since we are better placed in situations where we can grow the most.